I took a break from blogging and I almost lost my mind.
It is true. I took a break -- a challenge. Blogging had started to become more stress than it was worth (or so I thought). I was working long hours, for less pay than I should have been, taking too many sponsored opportunities and brand partnerships just because they were there and feeling sick to my stomach every time I opened facebook. The solution? Quit blogging.
Clearly, writing and photography were the main issues, yes? ummmm...NO. Writing and photos were only a problem when selling. I was burnt out on sponsors, NOT on writing. Of course, it took time away from it ALL to realize that. We will get to facebook in a moment, but first let's dive into my break. I said I would start my break after Christmas. There are always a ton of sponsored posts around the holidays and I decided after all of those obligations were complete, I would take a break. A few things came up that were too good to pass on. SO the break became a "winter" break of sorts -- February, maybe March. A few more things came up, and before I knew it, no break. I started to break out in a cold sweat everytime I thought about blogging responsibilities and started crossing out tasks in BLACK SHARPIE INSTEAD OF BLACK DRY ERASE ruining my dry erase board. Clearly, I needed a break. So SPRING break. The calendar was blocked off. No posting, NO FACEBOOK, a tiny bit of pinning, perhaps jotting down ideas on a notepad and again I must emphasize NO FACEBOOK. Posts were scheduled out to run automatically and I was DONE.
5 days in and I am starting to lose my mind. We tried going to the library today instead of coming right home after preschool. Snot nosed kiddos everywhere, grumpy moms, the self check out machine is broken, so I wait with a baby on my hip and two boys pulling at my (figurative) skirts only to learn that I can't pay our fine (we always have a fine) via debit card. The self checkout is the only place you can do that, sorry. Get back in the car (through the rain), no books, and a child of mine decides he can no longer buckle his seat belt. That was apparantly the straw that broke the camel's back because I was done. D. O. N. E. done. We finally made it home and I started writing and now I can finally breathe again. I quit blogging so we could go on more outings like the one today. I am now thinking going on outings everyday means driving myself slowly insane.
Who knew writing was therapy?Perhaps I should have. The days of being a mom with one baby have faded in my mind and I don't remember what it was like before writing. I don't remember the dark, long days of attempting to meet friends via MOPS (shoot me now) and the mindless wiping baby bum, clean house, empty dishwasher routine, the learning to drink cups (pots) of coffee to fend off the tired eyelids and so on and so on. I forgot what it was like before I had an outlet to write and I have never intentionally gone without blogging (except for actual vacations) since I had that first baby, then a second, third and fourth. I didn't know what my life was like with four children and without blogging.
It means everything to be able to stay home with the kids, raise them to run and relax at home in their free time and to be the one giving them a hug when they fall and a lecture when they get naughty. Our home is full of life, laughter, fun and joy, but that is not enough for me. OH HOW I WISH IT WAS. I know moms that enjoy motherhood just for the sake of mothering children. I am not one of them. I love my children, I love our life, I love babies and cheeks and chickens and so many things about our home, but it is not enough. It doesn't stimulate my mind one iota and the chaos attacks my very soul day in and day out. I need an outlet and running at the gym isn't cutting it.
I need to write.
I scheduled some posts and then signed off of facebook on March 15th. I peeked a time or two, just to make sure I didn't miss anything, but then I realized people could just email me if they really needed to get in touch. Do you know what I did not miss at all? Everything. I didn't miss the wives telling their husbands how much they love them (on Facebook? really?) I did not miss the political commentaries from the thousand experts of facebook, nor did I even miss the wheels of secret blogger groups turning and turning and turning and turning and turning. I definitely missed opportunities, yes, but isn't that what I was trying to escape? I didn't begin blogging to get opportunities, but they came and I had a knack for working with brands and so I took them. I began blogging to write and somewhere along the way I lost that. Facebook sucks the life out of blogging and (going out on a limb here) I quit. I do not quit blogging. No, I quit facebook. My account will stay intact -- brands still think facebook is important (even though the reach facebook gives non-paying accounts makes any amount of followers obsolete) so I will let the account sit with its almost 3,000 "followers". I won't use it though. I am going to stap away from the facebook crack I was smoking for a good long year or two and keep writing.